Teenagers: Want to tan? In Texas, you might need a doctor's note

Texas lawmakers are proposing limits on teenage tanning bed use. Eh, I don't feel like writing about it. Just click the tanorexic chick below.

Today's Tanorexic: Brooke Hogan (again!)

I think I'm going to just stop calling it "Your Daily Tanorexic," since I keep forgetting to update. Maybe getting some hatemail will inspire me.

Here's our patron saint with his classy, intelligent daughter. Why the hell is he "presenting" his daughter's crotch? I think he's saying, "See? There's no bulge down there! She doesn't have a wenis like everyone is saying."



The Hogans get a ten out of ten, of course.



"It's got everything! Orange tan, bleached polyester extensions, and my son daughter, brother!"

Your Daily Tanorexic: Kim Stewart

I'm hardly a fan of her, her dad or her disgusting brother, but that's one hell of a tangerine tan, especially compared to her companions, Mark McGrath and Scott Storch.

It's like Satan gave himself an enema and popped out these three turds.



Kimbo gets an eight out of ten on the Hogan Hue scale.



"The tan is awesome, but you need to share, brother!"

Your Daily Tanorexic: Anna Nicole Smith

Ah, Anna. Rest in peace. You were one of the great tanorexics of my generation and you are sorely missed.



Hogan was too upset over Anna to comment on this one.

Your Daily Tanorexic: Lizzy "Fuck you white trash" Grubman

What ever happened to this nasty piece of work? I remember when she slammed a bunch of innocent people up against a nightclub wall with her ghetto SUV a few years ago. After that, I think she had a TV show and gave beauty tips in some article. I distinctly remember her saying something about getting spray tans to preserve her skin. WTF? This beast giving beauty tips is kind of like Mike Tyson giving advice on anger management.

Oh and her tan is just awful.



Lizzie Grubman gets a six out of ten on the Hogan Hue scale.



"The orange tan is great, but points off for the visible ribcage and Freddy Kruger teeth, brother!"

Tanorexia in the news

The Canadian News just published an article on "safe" indoor tanning. I didn't realized tanning beds still exist! I remember my high school girlfriend going to a tanning bed before prom and coming out completely orange and smelling like a burned hot dog. She tried to claim it was natural and I figured I'd pretend to believe her as long as I got some. I didn't. I should have called the fried bitch on her lies and her Eau de Fried Spam scent. Her puss would have been like fucking the skin of a hot dog I imagine.

Anyway, here's a dime a dozen tanorexic for you.




BLEEEARRRGGGHHHH!!!! It's like a turd and the corn within it decided mate and grow features. Ugly, turdy features.

Your Daily Tanorexic: Jessucka Simpleton

The Simpson sisters have one brain cell and a hell of a lot of Mystic Tan between them.



This particular photo of Jess has a more yellow color than normal. What would we call it? Honeydew melon? Rotten pineapple? I can't decide.

Jess gets an eight out of ten on the Hogan Hue scale.



"It matches my headband better than my orange skin, brother!"